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1986-06-19
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4KB
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69 lines
THREE SCIENTISTS WERE DISCUSSING THE WORLD'S GREATEST INVENTIONS.
ONE WAS FROM THE U.S., ONE FROM THE U.S.S.R., AND ONE FROM POLAND.
THE U.S. SCIENTIST STATED HE BELIEVED THE GREATEST INVENTION WAS THE
ENGINE. WITHOUT THE ENGINE TRANSPORTATION WOULD BE NON-EXISTENT.
THE RUSSIAN SCIENTIST AGREED THE ENGINE WAS A GREAT INVENTION, BUT THAT
IT WOULD BE USELESS WITHOUT "THE" GREATEST INVENTION, THE WHEEL.
THE POLISH SCIENTIST AGREED THAT WHILE BOTH OF THEIR SUGGESTIONS WERE
INDEED GREAT INVENTIONS, HE THOUGHT THE WORLD'S GREATEST INVENTION WAS
THE THERMOS BOTTLE. THE OTHER TWO SCIENTIST STARED AT HIM IN DIS-BELIEF.
THE POLISH SCIENTIST WENT ON TO STATE: "YOU PUT COLD STUFF IN IT AND
IT KEEPS IT COLD, YOU PUT HOT STUFF IN IT AND IT KEEPS IT HOT.
HOW DOES IT KNOW?"
Q:WHAT DO YOU CALL TWO MEN WITH NO ARMS AND LEGS HANGING ON A WALL?
A:CURT AND ROD !! (CURTAIN ROD)
TWO COMPLETE STRANGERS WERE GOLFING ON AN EXCLUSIVE GOLF COURSE. NOT
ANOTHER SOUL WAS IN SIGHT. FINALLY, ONE GUY ASKED THE OTHER GUY WHAT HE
DID FOR A LIVING. HE TOLD HIM HE OWNED AND MANAGED THE BEAUTIFUL CONDO COMPLEX
THEY WERE COMING UP ON ALONG SIDE THE FAIRWAY. HE SAID THAT HE AND HIS
BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WIFE LIVED IN THE PENTHOUSE ON THE TOP FLOOR. HE THAN ASKED
THE OTHER GUY WHAT HE DID FOR A LIVING. THE OTHER STRANGER REPLIED THAT HE
WAS A PAID ASSASSIN. SEEING THE DIS-BELIEF ON THE MAN'S FACE HE PROCEEDS TO
START PULLING SECTIONS OF PIPE OUT OF HIS GOLFBAG AND BEGINS ASSEMBLING A
HIGH POWERED RIFLE. FINALLY GETTING THE STOCK OF THE RIFLE ASSEMBLED HE HANDS
THE RIFLE TO THE STRANGER WHO IS REALLY ADMIRING IT. THE ASSASSIN SAYS WAIT A
MINUTE AND PULLS OUT A HIGH POWERED SCOPE AND ASSEMBLES THAT TO THE RIFLE.
THE FIRST STRANGER LOOKS THRU THE SCOPE AND IS AMAZED AT HOW CLOSE HIS CONDO
LOOKS. HE TELLS THE ASSASIN HOW CLOSE IT LOOKS AND STARTS MOVING THE RIFLE
UP THE SIDE OF THE CONDO. HE EXCLAIMS, "I CAN SEE MY PENTHOUSE; I CAN SEE
INSIDE MY PENTHOUSE; I CAN SEE MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE; SHE'S NAKED!; SHE'S WITH
ANOTHER MAN!!!!" AND BOY, WAS THAT CONDO OWNER PISSED! HE HANDS THE RIFLE
BACK TO THE ASSASSIN AND DEMANDS TO KNOW HOW MUCH HE CHARGED PER BULLET. THE
ASSASSIN REPLIES $2000 PER BULLET. THE OWNER SAYS OK, I WANT YOU TO TAKE ONE
BULLET AND SHOOT THE MAN'S COCK OFF. THAN I WANT YOU TAKE ANOTHER BULLET AND
PUT IT THRU MY WIFE'S HEAD. THE ASSASSIN SAYS OK AND STARTS ADJUSTING THE
SCOPE SO HE CAN GET "CLEAN" SHOOTS OFF. MAKING THE LAST ADJUSTMENT, HE
SUDDENLY TURNS TO THE OWNER AND SAYS, "HEY BUDDY, IF YOU CAN WAIT FOR A COUPLE
OF SECONDS I THINK I CAN SAVE YOU $2000!
WHEW! THAT'S ALL FOLKS.
OKAY,OKAY, ENCORE
ONE DAY, JOHN LENNON, JOHN BELUSHI, AND ROCK HUDSON WERE GATHERED TOGETHER
IN HEAVEN IN FRONT OF GOD. THEY WERE PLEADING WITH GOD TO BE SENT BACK TO
EARTH FOR A VISIT. GOD FINALLY RELENTED BUT GAVE THEM A STERN WARNING THAT
IF ANY OF THEM EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THEIR OLD EVIL WAYS HE WOULD WIPE THAT
INDIVIDUAL OFF OF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. THE THREE OF THEM SUDDENLY FOUND
THEMSELVES WALKING ALONG A STREET IN NEW YORK. SUDDENLY JOHN LENNON SPOTS A
MAN IN A DOORWAY PLAYING A GUITAR. JOHN THOUGHT THE HELL WITH IT AND WALKED
OVER TO THE MAN AND ASKS IF HE CAN PLAY THE GUITAR. AS THE MAN STARTS HANDING
THE GUITAR TO JOHN LENNON, GOD INTERVENES AND POOF, JOHN LENNON IS SUDDENLY
GONE FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH. THIS UN-NERVES BELUSHI AND "THE ROCK" AND
THEY START WALKING AGAIN. SUDDENLY JOHN BELUSHI BREAKS OUT IN A COLD SWEAT
AS HE SPOTS A CLEAR BAG THAT IS FILLED WITH A WHITE POWERED SUBSTANCE.
THE TEMTATION IS TOO GREAT FOR BELUSHI AND HE MUST INSPECT THE CONTENTS OF
THAT BAG. HE WALKS UP TO THE BAG; HE BENDS OVER THE BAG;
SUDDENLY.........POOF! ROCK HUDSON IS GONE FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
IF YOU LIKED THE ABOVE JOKES AND WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DONATION IN
MY NAME (AL BAUMGART) TO MY FAVORITE CHARITY, PLEASE MAKE CHECK PAYABLE TO
S.O.W.D
(STAMP OUT WOMEN DRIVERS)
ON